Cassandra Forsythe

Stop hating yourself!

I see this too often for anyone's liking:

Women that start out with the intentions of exercising and eating better to get to a more "desirable" weight or shape and end up taking it way TOO far.

And for some reason, this seems to happen more with women than with men. And I just don't get it. (Well, in a way I do because I went through it myself at one point).

Here's the scenario: Jane, a young 22-year old woman, decides it's time to get rid of that freshman 15 she gained in college. So, she scours the internet and finds forums and websites that tell her how many calories she should eat, how much protein, carbs and fat, and how much exercise she should do each day so she can lose a pound a week and fit into a smaller pair of jeans.

She's buys a food scale and starts weighing and measuring all her food. She buys a gym membership and starts exercising 5 to 6 days a week. And, after a few months she's dropped 2 jean sizes and everyone comments on how good she looks.

But, Jane still isn't happy. In her quest for this new, less chubby body, she realizes that she's STILL a bit fat and that being any bit fat is totally unattractive and unacceptable. So, what does she do?

She starts eating even less, becoming even more obsessed with what she eats, starts exercising more and harder and pins up pictures of fitness models (at the peak of their training, mind you) as her ideal body composition goal. She hires a nutrition "coach" who keeps tabs on what she eats and helps her figure out how to exercise even more... Her new best friends are her food scale and body weight scale, and she stops hanging out with her former college friends because they "just don't get it" (what she's doing) - plus, they're kinda chubby too and that's not conducive with her goals.

Jane then loses even more weight and fits into even smaller clothes. Her old clothes are falling off of her and the scale shows a loss of 10 more pounds. She can fit into size 2 clothes and under, and can now see veins in her biceps and her calves.

But, guess what? Jane STILL thinks she's fat. There's still that little bulge under her belly button (pooch, or whatever you want to call it... to Jane it's gross) and when she wears her new jeans (size 1, mind you) she still has a few bulges that stick out from her sides.

To top this off, she hasn't been to a party with any of her friends in a few months because those parties all have "BAD" foods at them, and people have commented that they think she has a bed at the gym because she's there all the time, morning and night.

And.... she's miserable. Totally, completely, miserable.

Why?

Why after all the weight she's lost and all the clothes she's shrunk out of does she think she's still ugly?

One simple answer: Because Jane stopped loving herself. In fact, she didn't even like herself when she was 25 pounds heavier.

And she thought that losing the weight, fitting into skinnier jeans, and being able to wear super-short boy shorts would make her happy.

Well, she was WRONG. Dead wrong.

And, I know exactey how she feels.

I've done the same to myself back when I was living in Canada doing my masters degree. I shrunk my body down to a size 0-1 and weighed a measly 111lbs. I was tired all the time because I lost my ability to sleep and I was totally dysfunctional - the only people that really understood me (I thought) were other girls that competed in fitness competitions. Everyone else was fat and unattractive and probably more unhappy than me.

And, I was dead wrong too.

Don't we see what's happening here? If you don't like yourself when you're potentially not at your so-called "ideal" body weight or size, why the heck do you think you'll like yourself more if you're skinnier? Well, I'm here to tell you that you won't. You won't like yourself more, and in fact, you'll probably like yourself even less because you don't even have the energy to be happy at all.

So, what's the answer? Should overweight persons (if they're really overweight) diet to make themselves thinner? Should inactive people get off their butts and start moving to lose some weight? YES! But, not if you're unhappy.

You first have to love YOURSELF before you'll even truly find satisfaction and happiness  in anything you do. Without happiness, you're going to be a sad person forever, whether or not you're a size 16 or a size 2.

Being skinnier doesn't make you happier; that happiness has to come from within.

Start learning how to love and like yourself first before you embark on any body composition-changing process and you'll find you're much more successful in your goals, and you won't have to ostracize others in your life to do so.

I've personally found happiness and I don't weight 111lbs anymore. I've finally realized I'm a beautiful person, I'm very intelligent (well, sometimes mommy brain kicks in... haha), I'm successful, I'm strong, and I have many people in my life that love and care about me too.

I also work with women from all walks of life to help them realize that undereating is not the answer to their woes. Instead, eating good food, eating often, and exercising because they like it, will be more satisfying that the continuous self-defeat they're currently going through. All while teaching them that they are good women and that if they dig down deep they will find that love that they need to start showing themselves.

Finally, as my daughter grows I will teach her all of these things too. First and foremost she must learn to love herself and that there is no such thing as perfect. Instead, true happiness comes from within and no skinny pair of jeans will give that to you if you don't like yourself too. 

Be happy, stop dieting, and start LOVING.

In health, Cassandra

Posted Sep 25, 2010 by Cassandra Forsythe.
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